Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2004 July
2004 June
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
|
| Closure - Love? Doesn't exist. |
| 07.02.04 (7:23 pm) [edit] |
This is the email I sent to josh for closure.... I don't know if he read it or not.....
Well I guess this is what it has come down to. I gave you time to choose what you wanted from me, either to stick around, or leave you be. You chose for me to leave you be. I respect your choice. I guess it is understandable. Everything in the past should just become a blur then. I feel as though I'm losing something very valuable to me, but life goes on. Our friendship was great while it lasted, sure we had some really really bad times, but that was to be expected considering our history. But hey, when times get tough... give up! For the most part our relationship was fun. I'm not going to forget it, even though things would be easier if I did. Even though you will never think of me as more than just an annoying ex-girlfriend, I do care. I care enough to leave your life just so that you can be happy. Thats my all, I can't give more to you than leaving you alone. If that isn't even appreciated then it's a shame. I hope that maybe one day you will realize that I can be your friend and will just want to talk to me again. But I'm not getting my hopes up of having you as my friend. I tried, I really did, it may not seem like it to you, but if you were me you would know that I've tried my hardest. I'm not sorry that I care a lot about you, I am sorry that you hate me for it. Well, if you don't ever want to speak to me again, then this email is for closure. If you do, then this email is to let you know that I still care. I hope things work out the best for you in the future. Good luck, even though you don't need it. Take care. Love always, Crystal
p.s. Sorry for ruining your life... But thanks for putting some meaning into mine, seriously.
*sigh* Things just really suck right now. Sarah and Chris breaking up, Kat intervening... I don't understand love anymore. WE are all striving for that inevidable hurt.... Life just sucks! I want to have that feeling again. You know the one where you are loved by someone who u love loving you and despite all their faults you love them any way. Just that feeling of being able to share yourself with someone else. Someone who protects you from all the bad in the world and gives u what you need at the right time without you having to ask. Just the sense of comfort, someone who you can give your heart to.
Pfft who am i kidding, there is no such thing as that kind of love.
|
|
|
| |
| Lost a friend |
| 06.28.04 (8:49 am) [edit] |
|
I'm losing a friend. I want him in my life so bad. I lost him as a boyfriend, I don't want to lose him as a friend... He has been there for me when ive needed him. He is always honest with me and I appriciate that. He doesn't sugar coat anything and tells me what I need to hear even when it hurts. But now I don't know where to go. He doesn't want to try to be my friend, it's just not worth it anymore. Sure I've done bad things but I don't think it's that bad. I mean I just want a friend, nothing more. He has a new girlfriend now and of course I'm a little crushed. I am his friend, but I am also his ex-girlfriend, so things like that are going to bother me. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have no where to go from here. I'm trying......
|
|
|
| |
| FUCK! |
| 06.15.04 (6:50 pm) [edit] |
|
How am i suppose to feel?Of course she's replacing me, first a walk next thing u know its a movie then a lil group gathering of about 4 or 5.. I don't know what to do anymore! Does this mean they weren't really good friends to begin with? If they weren't then who are my good friends? do they even exist? I strive to be included then when i finally feel like i am i feel right back where i started, trying to get back in again. Friends shouldn't be a struggle, they should be a joy! Why can't life just be that easy? ahhhhhhh! I just want to disappear for a lil while, i dunno maybe just be a lil fly on the wall that can observe everything as if i werent' even in everyones life. I wonder how different things would be? I mean people wouldn't have to stress or worry about my complaining My opinion is more of a hassle than a statement these days, I mean really who cares? Me and my ranting, actually thats all i called to do. I just wanted to rant so i could feel better which i did until i heard to fun fest which i was ever so nicely neglected from. I mean wth? YET! They had trouble dialing my number, but oh cats just dials ever so nicely! ERRG! I mean I've been a good friend, I've tried to make sure everyone was happy at my own expense, I just can't think of everyone all the time. I need some time for me. i need some friends that will call me if plans are going on. I need someone i can trust, I need to be wanted. I can't have ppl planning things so that i can be happy, I'm not a reason or a cause for anything. I just want to be a part of something, something i can call mine, just like MY friends, but sometimes I don't know where anyone is these days. Mark seems mad at me all the time... Josh is completly moved on, Sarah has Chris and company, Charlene has her YFC, Staci is gone.... I don't know where to go. I want the world to just stop and fix itself so that everyone can be happy, including me. I remember a time when it use to be like that, but that's the past and things have changed drastically. Oh well I guess.... People change, why can't I accept that? :? Oh my..... anyhoo I have to pee! I guess thats all i can say now.... oh but wait the whole josh and amanda thing..... don't even get me started...... ahhhhhhh! :evil: anyhoo........ :evil: :!:
|
|
|
| |
| Last Day |
| 06.15.04 (10:07 am) [edit] |
|
Today was the last day of classes before exams. The majority of my friends are grads this year so it's harder cuz everyone is going away and leaving me. I know I'll see them in the summer and such, but what about when school starts up again? Im just going to miss them sooooooo much! I don't wanna lose my friends, I mean I've never had a bunch of friends that I have been this close to. I just want to have them by my side. Im scared they'll forget me., which is rediculous, but meh....
|
|
|
| |
| God? |
| 06.14.04 (11:18 am) [edit] |
I wrote this on June 1st when I found out that a friend of mine had died suddenly in his sleep, he was only 18. R.I.P Mousa!
[LINE]
Why? Why are the good always taken away from us? There are so many others. Why not take those who ask to be gone? How about those who have done wrong and continue to hurt others? What about those whoe deseve to die? Why take someone who has so much going for them? Why? That's what I thought you cannot explain it! You put your faith into something that has no reason. Did you think that you needed him more? That's not fair! There are so many bad people in the world. What's wrong with them? Are they not good enough for you? You want a perfect world where everyone can get along and WAR IS A WORD ONLY USED TO DESCRIBE THE PAST, yet you take the good and leave the bad. What the hell? The more I try to understand you the more you give me reason to doubt you. How can I trust you when you fail the good and please the bad. What side are you on anyway? How do you expect people to impact the world when you remove them from the world? What impact are they going to make up there? If you want me to believe you then stop giving me reason to doubt you!!! :x
|
|
|
| |
|
|
